Important Notice:
We regret to inform you that our free phpBB forum hosting service will be discontinued by the end of June 30, 2024.
If you wish to migrate to our paid hosting service, please contact billing@hostonnet.com.
View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
Rachel Guest
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:09 pm Post subject: Why girls Take so Long in Public Toilets! |
|
|
When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of
women waiting, you smile politely and take your place in the line,
it finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle
doors.
Every cubicle is occupied.
But eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down
the woman leaving the cubicle.
You get in to find the door wont lock. It doesn't matter, the wait
has been so long and you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser
for the modern "seat covers" is handy, but empty. You would hang
your bag on the door hook if there was one, but there isn't so you
carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your
pants and assume "the position".
In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to
shake. You would love to sit down, but you certainly hadn1t taken
time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "the
position".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach
for the toilet paper dispenser and your worst nightmare it1s empty,
the toilet roll dispenser is empty. You hover looking around in the
hope there's a new roll behind you no such luck. Your thighs start
to shake more. Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your
nose on yesterday the one that is still in your handbag, which is
now burning your neck & shoulders with the weight. So you contort
your arm into a very unnatural position and start to fumble around
in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled
used tissue no bigger than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your cubicle door and because the latch doesn't work
the door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding
your bag around your neck while you are rummaging for that used
tissue, the door takes you by surprise and you start to lose your
balance and topple backwards.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach to push the door shut and drop
the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just managed to
retrieve with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on the
floor.
If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give
up and... sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
Yes, - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's toolate.
Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ
& life form that lives on the uncovered seat.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a
fire hose into the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that
completely covers your bum and runs downs your legs along with all
the various life forms and down into your dishevelled pants which
have now dropped to your ankles with your hems soaking up that
puddle from the floor.
The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you
grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being
dragged in too.
At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and
the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self
with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink
out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands
underneath it grateful for the two drops of water there and around
the basin itself.
You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting,
where of course there are no paper towels so you more onto the hand
blower, which yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either!> > >
You're no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there's
an unspoken understanding between you all.
A kind soul at the very end of the line of women points out that
you have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was
that when you NEEDED IT???
You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and
tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used
and left the men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and
why is your handbag hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loos. It
also helps explain to the men why it really does take us women so
long and it also answers that commonly asked question why do women
always go to the loos in pairs?
It's so your friend can hold the door, hang onto your bag and pass
you tissue under the door! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Peter de Meteor
Joined: 27 Mar 2007 Posts: 50 Location: Bristol
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:46 pm Post subject: In for a penny? |
|
|
That's rather a lot more information than we needed to know!
But, thanks anway for sharing that with us. _________________ . . . From The Asteroid Belt, Peter de Meteor |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Behind Geddon's Wall
Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1553 Location: Kingston Upon Hull/ The Cloud Factory
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Rachel, either,
1 You have far too much time on your hands
and/or
2 You've stopped taking the tablets. _________________ Geddon
You simply mustn't blame yourself -- the days were perfect
And so were exactly what I was born to spoil
For I am the Rider to the World's End
Bound across the cinder causeway
From the furnace to the quarry
Through the fields of oil |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Rachel Guest
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm at work, running a little corner of a Government Department. It's very busy here! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Minx
Joined: 09 Dec 2006 Posts: 4088 Location: France/Spain/Peterborough/Tenerife
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:34 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you Rachel. You just made my day. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Highlander
Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 348 Location: Scotland
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Its the only time I get to have a wee rest when out shopping. Five minutes waiting outside and then off we go again! _________________ Over the hill they came....the greatest Army in the World.....The Tartan Army |
|
Back to top |
|
|
PJ in Kent
Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 6:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
So have women who have those huge handbags have the problem solved?
Inside, are they carrying an inflatable rubber ring, a family pack of loo-roll and one of those suction hooks?
_________________ He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Julia
Joined: 10 Jan 2007 Posts: 556 Location: a hillside desolate
|
Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 7:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
haha Rachel, that was funny .... too much like the truth though _________________ I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
marietta honeybun
Joined: 08 Dec 2006 Posts: 915 Location: Holland
|
Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 3:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Rachel I laughed myself silly at the perfect description of the public loo - I realise that, of course, you are referring to loos in the UK. I can vouch for the fact that it's all true as I was in Dover last week. You should come over to Holland or Germany where all the loos are spotless, there is soft padded loo paper, paper towels or hand dryers and liquid soap all available and all free of charge. We don't have public toilets per se but the ones in the cafés and restaurants are what we use. Of course we are polite enough to order a cup of coffee in order to justify using the facilities!! _________________ Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies tend to accumulate. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
childprufe
Joined: 22 Dec 2006 Posts: 212 Location: lincolnshire
|
Posted: Tue May 22, 2007 3:06 am Post subject: |
|
|
You want too much information................here goes..
You are in dire need of a dump and there is no lock on the door, so you whistle as loud as you can and wedge one foot against the door, your butt end is swivelled sideways by the position you've been forced into and you pray thanks that you have been filling out on fibre for the last couple of days............and there never is any paper..... _________________ Standing on Ray Moore's shoulders |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|