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R2Icon
Joined: 10 Sep 2009 Posts: 1444
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 11:37 am Post subject: Shyness |
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I'd ring and tell them what it feels like to be shy but I'm too shy to do it.
Apparently being shy is selfish. How do they work that out? Shy girl gets no chocolate- so that means there’s more for everyone else- that’s not selfish.
Being shy is a real problem sometimes. I think shyness is not about being shy, it’s about being worried, worried you’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what you’ve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.
Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you can’t get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dad’s fishing boat. Look it’s just a boat- now shut –up is what you really want to say but you’re too polite. |
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Helen May
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 19391 Location: Cheshire
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:09 pm Post subject: Re: Shyness |
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R2Icon wrote: | I think shyness is not about being shy, it’s about being worried, worried you’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what you’ve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.
Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you can’t get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dad’s fishing boat. Look it’s just a boat- now shut –up is what you really want to say but you’re too polite. |
Agree with that Rachel completely. I'm actually very shy as well although not quite as much as when I was a child.
H _________________ 88 - 91 FM this is Radio 2 from the BBC!
I said it live on air in the studio with Jeremy Vine on 10/3/2005 |
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littlepieces
Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 1098 Location: Lowestoft
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:10 pm Post subject: Re: Shyness |
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R2Icon wrote: | I'd ring and tell them what it feels like to be shy but I'm too shy to do it.
Apparently being shy is selfish. How do they work that out? Shy girl gets no chocolate- so that means there’s more for everyone else- that’s not selfish.
Being shy is a real problem sometimes. I think shyness is not about being shy, it’s about being worried, worried you’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what you’ve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.
Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you can’t get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dad’s fishing boat. Look it’s just a boat- now shut –up is what you really want to say but you’re too polite. |
Agree 100% the amount of times i have been bored stupid by Mr Chatty is countless and of course his wife Mrs Chatty _________________ I found out how you can hurt an insect.It's the bees knees |
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R2Icon
Joined: 10 Sep 2009 Posts: 1444
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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That is why the interweb is full of shy people- you can say what you want- when you want.
On the web, I’m in your face, vivacious, lively, full of life and jollity – the life and soul. In real life, I’m dull and boring, a quiet, studious individual with the most serious of minds.( or so people think). Although when I was young things were much worse: being the youngest of seven, I was always having fun poked at me by my six older brothers, so it’s in my mind that groups of people are there to poke fun at me. I can deal with a person- one on one, no problem, I can’t deal with people, a group, I never know which one to talk to, where to start, what to say- even if I know them all as individuals- as soon as they’re in a group, my lips become glued together. It makes me ill, physically sick, if I have to give a presentation. |
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ruddlescat
Joined: 16 Sep 2010 Posts: 18010 Location: Near Chester
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:38 pm Post subject: |
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I also agree with everything which has been said above
I would also add that shyness can also be brought on by ones upbringing in early childhood - for example if a parent avoids discussing issues of sexuality and relationships generally that can result in shyness when it comes to the person's relationships in later life
Shyness can also be brought on by someone getting self obsessed about their appearance and convincing themself that they are not attractive to others or by convincing themselves that they are not as intelligent as their peers
It's a very complex subject which probably has no single cause but it's a very common problem
I am naturally a shy person and even to this day get embarrased very easily but something very unexpected and lifechanging happened to me just over ten years ago which forced me to address my shyness problems and whilst the whole thing caused me a lot of other difficulties at least shyness is only a very minor thing for me now
Incidentally, like Rachel, I think that on fora like this you will often find that there are very many contributors who have problems with shyness because participating in a forum group gives them the chance to interact with others from a distance rather than having to deal with them face to face - I simply make that point as an observation and not being in any way critical because it's perfectly understandable for that kind of thing to happen _________________ Are you ready for a Ruddles? |
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Helen May
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 19391 Location: Cheshire
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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Despite that I have phoned in and spoken on the radio which I can't understand......
Also I went to see the Beatles on my own at the age of 11. I suppose it doesn't seem to tie up!
H _________________ 88 - 91 FM this is Radio 2 from the BBC!
I said it live on air in the studio with Jeremy Vine on 10/3/2005 |
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RockitRon
Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 8:33 am Post subject: |
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Three aborted messages later, I will just say that I can equate with most of what Rachel and Ruddles have said. |
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R2Icon
Joined: 10 Sep 2009 Posts: 1444
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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I’ve been thinking about this quite deeply over the weekend. Looking at shyness from the other side of the fence, (the people on the receiving end) it could be, I conceded, a little selfish to be shy. You see those people may have to work harder to draw the shy person out, it could be, for example, that your boss has to ask you for your input when you’re on your own with him instead of in a meeting with everyone else- so he has to make that special effort just for you, or perhaps at a social gathering, your partner has to do all the conversational work with you just nodding, perhaps smiling now and again and enjoying the show. Most people I know outside “the zone” don’t think I’m shy at all- they think I’m arrogant, conceited and have a superiority complex, well maybe I do, but I’m still not going to talk to them unnecessarily. |
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ruddlescat
Joined: 16 Sep 2010 Posts: 18010 Location: Near Chester
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:54 am Post subject: |
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I see what you're saying Rach but I'm not sure I agree that shyness can be described as 'selfish'
That would imply that someone was making a positive decision to have the luxury of being shy (if you could call it that) but in reality shy people have a condition or state of mind over which they usually have very limited influence and little control so they cannot make a choice
That's how I see it from years of experience _________________ Are you ready for a Ruddles? |
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mark occomore
Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 9955 Location: UK
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:14 pm Post subject: Re: Shyness |
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Helen May wrote: | R2Icon wrote: | I think shyness is not about being shy, it’s about being worried, worried you’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what you’ve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.
Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you can’t get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dad’s fishing boat. Look it’s just a boat- now shut –up is what you really want to say but you’re too polite. |
Agree with that Rachel completely. I'm actually very shy as well although not quite as much as when I was a child.
H |
Your not shy sending emails to Jeremy It was something about the Greek Euro and burning buildings in Athens. They must have been watching how our riots were like last year. |
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R2Icon
Joined: 10 Sep 2009 Posts: 1444
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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ruddlescat wrote: | I see what you're saying Rach but I'm not sure I agree that shyness can be described as 'selfish'
That would imply that someone was making a positive decision to have the luxury of being shy (if you could call it that) but in reality shy people have a condition or state of mind over which they usually have very limited influence and little control so they cannot make a choice
That's how I see it from years of experience |
I don’t know, Rudds, if you allow your shyness to dominate when you know that really you want to say something, isn’t that the same as making a positive decision to say nothing? Perhaps the physical feeling of shyness – and it is quite physical in a psychosomatic-physiological way, is a manifestation of the conflict between what you think and what you feel. A fight, if you like, between head and heart, in which, we as shy people allow the heart to win every time. |
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ruddlescat
Joined: 16 Sep 2010 Posts: 18010 Location: Near Chester
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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Well Rach, I suppose in the situation you describe in one sense a person is making a positive decision to say nothing but is a very shy person really capable of making a positive decision to speak out?
Although nothing like as serious I suppose it's a bit like a situation where a person with mental health problems sadly kills another human being and at their trial they plead 'not guilty' on the grounds of diminished responsibility
In other words they made a positive decision to end a life but in reality they are saying the event was unavoidable because of their mental state at the time which would not allow them to make any alternate decision
I believe shy people often are unable to speak out rather than just making a choice not to do so _________________ Are you ready for a Ruddles? |
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